Please note that this post was part of an April Fools Day Experiment. Comments have been turned off. If you wish to comment, please read the thread April Fools, Skepticism, and Climate Change and comment there. The original post follows.

When discussing global climate change, it is necessary to degrade the overly-complex to simple metrics. This is especially true when the conversation involves the lay public. Thus, we often hear scientists exclaim that the global temperature has risen by 1 degree Celsius in the last few years. This is unfortunate because it conceals the details that often are counter-intuitive.

Global Temperature Index

When diagnosing global climate change, a temperature index is often used that is derived from the lower troposphere. This is no coincidence since we live in the lower troposphere, and its temperature is innately important for our survival. However, it is not a good metric for global climate change studies. When carbon dioxide (CO2) is added to our atmosphere, radiative transfer models predict that the temperature in the lower troposphere will increase. However, they also predict that the temperature in the stratosphere will decrease.
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… and the sarcastic replies they probably didn’t want to hear.

precipitation++front+cloud+cold+warm

They really wanted to know about fronts. Didn’t really know if the assignment asked about warm or cold fronts. Searched both, just to be safe.

“stand an egg on its end”

Take egg. Stand on end. Duh. I already wrote that in a previous post.

how does the autumn equinox effect…

It doesn’t. No need to finish the sentence. Ahh, quit talking before you make my head explode.

stationary front hits a cold front

A stationary front is stationary. It’s impossible for it to hit anything.

housewife & green house effect

The addition of a housewife will increase your household greenhouse emissions. However, since she is probably moving from her own residence, the net greenhouse emissions will decrease, provided the old residence is sold. Therefore, the more housewives you have, the less total greenhouse gas emissions. More wives, more money. It’s a twofer, for roughly half the population.